My Mom has a very jealous lover (who lives in same house as her and Dad) and he's out to get us all.
Mom was traveling recently with my Sister and brother-in-law and he was fine. We left him alone and he left us alone. He and Dad live together civilly, but not amicably.
But every time I visit, every holiday, every vacation, he baits us all. We've all begged Mom to get rid of him but she just says he's "sensitive" and refuses to even consider...Not even for the sake of the family...OY!
I'm talking about Antonio (my name for him)....her Red Toyota 4Runner.
Oh yes, he's hot, red and loves my Mom with a burning passion. He won't let anyone else go near him. His "alarm" just happens to go off if you think about driving him. He only lets Mom touch him.
For example, today I was getting ready to go to the dentist and I was sitting in the dining room. Antonio's keys were in the kitchen hanging up...Mom was on the phone with Dad and Antonio decided to totally go beserk...he beeped and beeped.
Mom screamed "What did you do?" to me. "Nothing," I cried, "I don't even have the keys in my hand." "Well," she screamed back, "You must have done something!" She ran to Antonio, turned off the alarm and gently stroked his side mirror.
That how it always starts. Antonio masterfully winds a web of deception that makes it look like we are all out to get him, but no, my friends, its the other way around. My cute litte Nissan Versa was parked in the driveway and Antonio talked all the birds into a "fly-by" shooting. My car was covered in poop. How humiliating. I could hear Antonio chuckling softly as I gingerly wiped down my car telling her not to worry, it would all be ok.
Antonio also just talked my Dad into taking the RV to Chicago (And you all know about the RV a.k.a. Cheri Potter and the RV of Doom!)....It's a certain death drive....Antonio wants to get rid of Dad for good and drive all of us kids away so he can be with Mom alone....but I won't let that happen.
Your time is Limited Antonio (I shake my fist in he air)...."My name is Cheri Waterhouse, you are trying to kill my father...PREPARE TO DIE."
Postscript: Antonio's plot is well underway...Dad is driving through Texas all the electrical on the RV is failing....I fear the worst...More Later...."Damn You Antonio!"
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Getting Ready for Hell...I mean summertime in Las Vegas
I know I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks, but I haven't had any wild adventures and I feel like I haven't had a lot to say, but lately a reoccurring thought has run through my mind....How am I going to survive the summer in Las Vegas.
Now mind you I did spend about 5 or years in Tempe, Arizona going to college, so I know about the heat, but that was about....well, a lot of years ago.
So here I sit, blogging to you, reminding myself what to do:
1. Carry sunscreen in the car at all times. Right before I left LA, I got pulled over because the tinting on my windows was too dark. I had to pay to get it removed and now the sun's laser beam rays sear my skin every time I get in the car (think of vampire Bill burning up like a marshmallow caught on fire in the end of season 1 of "True Blood"). I always forget to put in on in the morning and it isn't until I look down and my "football like" skin, do I remember to apply liberally.
2. Bring a hat everywhere: Even though all my moisturizers and foundations have an SPF, my skin is freckling like crazy. And I don't look cute when I freckle like other women do. I look like "Lil Orphan Annie" with chicken pox and not in a good way. Freckling on me is more like ugly giant sunspots, general redness and an overall blotchy skin tone. It's not pretty my friends. The wind here is crazy, so it has to be a hat that fits really tight around my head or has a chin strap so not to fly into the nearby duck pond. Yes, there is a duck pond at the park that has almost inherited my hat on several occasions.
3.Bring two (yes two) reusable water bottles everywhere: Every morning before I make my way through the world I fill up two giant bottles with ice: Then one gets green iced tea and one gets water. I find drinking the green tea first really gets me going (I get very hopped up) because in this arid weather, and I get very sleepy and need to stay awake at the wheel (so I can watch my skins sear off/see True Blood reference on #1).
4. Wardrobe is key: I now own every color tank top imaginable and I pair it with shorts or jeans or sweats (if I'm going to the gym), a stylish belt and appropriate jewelry (if I'm not going to the gym). This allows me a. not to have to think too much when I get up in the morning, and b. not have to think too much when I get up in the morning. I throw a sweater in the car, just in case I have to go in an establishment that insists on keeping their temperature as low as a meat locker and I'm good to go.
5. Lastly...I do everything either very early in the morning or very late in the evening. It is sort of like vampire hours (see Vampire Bill Reference in #1). Actually this is not entirely true, since I hate getting up very early in the morning so actually I do everything very late in the evening. Laundry, walking the dogs, running the dishwasher...I will openly brag that I do laundry and run the dishwasher late in the evening because I'm saving energy, but actually...I'm just lazy and that's when I have berated myself enough to make myself do it.
On the job front I do have some actual news to report. I'm writing web content for someone and have an interview for an undisclosed website....I'll keep you posted.
Stay Cool, Stay Clean, Stay Classy (huh?)
Until next time...
C
Now mind you I did spend about 5 or years in Tempe, Arizona going to college, so I know about the heat, but that was about....well, a lot of years ago.
So here I sit, blogging to you, reminding myself what to do:
1. Carry sunscreen in the car at all times. Right before I left LA, I got pulled over because the tinting on my windows was too dark. I had to pay to get it removed and now the sun's laser beam rays sear my skin every time I get in the car (think of vampire Bill burning up like a marshmallow caught on fire in the end of season 1 of "True Blood"). I always forget to put in on in the morning and it isn't until I look down and my "football like" skin, do I remember to apply liberally.
2. Bring a hat everywhere: Even though all my moisturizers and foundations have an SPF, my skin is freckling like crazy. And I don't look cute when I freckle like other women do. I look like "Lil Orphan Annie" with chicken pox and not in a good way. Freckling on me is more like ugly giant sunspots, general redness and an overall blotchy skin tone. It's not pretty my friends. The wind here is crazy, so it has to be a hat that fits really tight around my head or has a chin strap so not to fly into the nearby duck pond. Yes, there is a duck pond at the park that has almost inherited my hat on several occasions.
3.Bring two (yes two) reusable water bottles everywhere: Every morning before I make my way through the world I fill up two giant bottles with ice: Then one gets green iced tea and one gets water. I find drinking the green tea first really gets me going (I get very hopped up) because in this arid weather, and I get very sleepy and need to stay awake at the wheel (so I can watch my skins sear off/see True Blood reference on #1).
4. Wardrobe is key: I now own every color tank top imaginable and I pair it with shorts or jeans or sweats (if I'm going to the gym), a stylish belt and appropriate jewelry (if I'm not going to the gym). This allows me a. not to have to think too much when I get up in the morning, and b. not have to think too much when I get up in the morning. I throw a sweater in the car, just in case I have to go in an establishment that insists on keeping their temperature as low as a meat locker and I'm good to go.
5. Lastly...I do everything either very early in the morning or very late in the evening. It is sort of like vampire hours (see Vampire Bill Reference in #1). Actually this is not entirely true, since I hate getting up very early in the morning so actually I do everything very late in the evening. Laundry, walking the dogs, running the dishwasher...I will openly brag that I do laundry and run the dishwasher late in the evening because I'm saving energy, but actually...I'm just lazy and that's when I have berated myself enough to make myself do it.
On the job front I do have some actual news to report. I'm writing web content for someone and have an interview for an undisclosed website....I'll keep you posted.
Stay Cool, Stay Clean, Stay Classy (huh?)
Until next time...
C
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