My Mother and her Jealous Lover Antonio....

My Mom has a very jealous lover (who lives in same house as her and Dad) and he's out to get us all.

Mom was traveling recently with my Sister and brother-in-law and he was fine. We left him alone and he left us alone. He and Dad live together civilly, but not amicably.

But every time I visit, every holiday, every vacation, he baits us all. We've all begged Mom to get rid of him but she just says he's "sensitive" and refuses to even consider...Not even for the sake of the family...OY!

I'm talking about Antonio (my name for him)....her Red Toyota 4Runner.

Oh yes, he's hot, red and loves my Mom with a burning passion. He won't let anyone else go near him. His "alarm" just happens to go off if you think about driving him. He only lets Mom touch him.

For example, today I was getting ready to go to the dentist and I was sitting in the dining room. Antonio's keys were in the kitchen hanging up...Mom was on the phone with Dad and Antonio decided to totally go beserk...he beeped and beeped.

Mom screamed "What did you do?" to me. "Nothing," I cried, "I don't even have the keys in my hand." "Well," she screamed back, "You must have done something!" She ran to Antonio, turned off the alarm and gently stroked his side mirror.

That how it always starts. Antonio masterfully winds a web of deception that makes it look like we are all out to get him, but no, my friends, its the other way around. My cute litte Nissan Versa was parked in the driveway and Antonio talked all the birds into a "fly-by" shooting. My car was covered in poop. How humiliating. I could hear Antonio chuckling softly as I gingerly wiped down my car telling her not to worry, it would all be ok.

Antonio also just talked my Dad into taking the RV to Chicago (And you all know about the RV a.k.a. Cheri Potter and the RV of Doom!)....It's a certain death drive....Antonio wants to get rid of Dad for good and drive all of us kids away so he can be with Mom alone....but I won't let that happen.

Your time is Limited Antonio (I shake my fist in he air)...."My name is Cheri Waterhouse, you are trying to kill my father...PREPARE TO DIE."

Postscript: Antonio's plot is well underway...Dad is driving through Texas all the electrical on the RV is failing....I fear the worst...More Later...."Damn You Antonio!"